the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
