I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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