I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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