Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
