Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
