Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
