Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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