Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Randomize
