Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
