My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
