If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
