can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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