Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
