Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
