Define "chronic" masturbator.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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