Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
