I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
