The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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