You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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