Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
