drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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