do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
