I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
