we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
