My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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