I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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