I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
