eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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