So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
