Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
