Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The adults are the big ones right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
