her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
