Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
