Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
