i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
