We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
