People in love make me want to vomit
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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