3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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