i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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