put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
