So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
