Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
