i just sent this text using only my big toe
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
