Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
