I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm bleeding and have questions
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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