My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
