Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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