Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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