Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
