you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
