her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
