Sry I called you an 8
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
