That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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